Rumor has it that I don't like change. Apparently in the past I have been known to get a little... shall we say "on edge" when things change. I am quite certain that I am making good strides in getting past my refusal to accept reluctance to change, yet there are changes happening in my life, and in the life of my children, and in Rick's life. The emotions with each situation are so different I wonder some days just how one can go to through all these different feelings and not loose their mind. Well I don't really wonder, I do know how, but it doesn't change the fact that some days the rawness of emotion is exhausting and frankly there are days where I just pray and thank God for those distractions that keep me going.
Last summer we made the decision to put our house on the market. We really had no timetable to keep for when we sell but honestly I don't think either Rick or I was prepared for the fact that it would take 9 months to sell our house and then have 35 days to find another house, pack and move. We are beyond excited about this change- it's a good change and a needed one. There are many benefits to this move and so this change brings about excitement, anticipation and a new chapter that we're ready to take in. We have a new house, we don't have to rent and we're 11 days out from all this happening. I WILL share more about the new house soon.
Sam turned 9 yesterday, Eric turned 10 the end of April. THEY. ARE. BOYS. no question about it. They have changed and grown so much in this last year. I love watching them grow. I love parenting with Rick. I have learned to not to be so fearful of them getting older. In the mist of some of the teenage years it's a struggle to not fear the little ones growing. You want to protect them from life, from the hard days, tough lessons and hurts but I know now that in wanting to protect them from those things that I would also prevent them from feeling the love, laughter and joy that comes in their accomplishments, in service and growing in their relationship with Jesus. They are in much better hands then mine and I feel so blessed to have them entrusted to us.
Jordan turned 18 this month. Jordan is facing some hard truths right now and can I tell you IT. SUCKS. to watch. But again I am awed when God gives me a glimpse of His plan and I am humbled when again I am reminded that it is not about ME. There have been many days in the last 6 years when I have struggled with anger, hurt, fear, anxiety and just plain felt heartbroken over the road my oldest son has traveled. I don't know why this is his road but I do know that nothing is out of the reach of God and I have been reminded of this day after day. When I again say "God why?" He just allows me to cry and kick and scream and then I feel His love when I'm done. God knows the hurt of watching your son hurt, his love for Jordan is all about watching His Son hurt for Jordan. Today my oldest son is uncomfortable. I know some of my greatest change has come from seasons of complete discomfort. I pray this to be true for Jordan and that He too feels the love that has never stopped coming from us or from God.
Kayla.... wow Kayla turns 20 next week. My baby girl, the one they laid in my arms and all I could think was "is she really mine?, look how beautiful she is" She's not only 20 but in 27 short weeks she will have a little one in her arms. This change is just as exciting as it is scary. To know the emotion my young girl is going to go through, that she is already going though... I never imagined what this would really be like. I know a few things to be certain. God doesn't make mistakes... this little grand-baby of ours is knitted together perfectly and has purpose. I am SO SO excited to meet him/her and love on this little gift. I know that Kayla is also loved and won't be alone in this new adventure of parenting and I am grateful for my own experience of being a young mom and the struggles that go along with that. I hope to be able to encourage her when those struggles get the best of a day. I know I have often said that I became a mother too young but Kayla and Jordan were the blessing that came from my broken road. Life is always worth celebrating. Ephesians 1:11 In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will.... love that verse.
In early May Rick's Dad was brought to the hospital and admitted. His breathing was very labored and He was very weak. Since then we have learned that Dad has End Stage COPD. He has since been moved into a nursing home that also offers hospice care. We all know that at some point we will enter a season of life where our parents will end their time here on earth but let's be honest, knowing that doesn't mean it's any easier... it is hard. I am grateful for a few things that have come from this. 1. Dad is still here with us, nothing sudden has happened and we are able to go visit and spend time with him. He's just as convinced as ever before he's unbeatable at cribbage and His smart alec sense of humor is still in place. and 2. That He is being well cared for by each of his kids and Rick and his sisters have been in communication with one another, not always easy communications but none the less there isn't doubt that caring for their Father and loving on him in the time he has left of this earth is what the priority.
If you are still reading this would you do me a favor? Take just a moment to lift up any one of this life changing moments to the One who is unchanging.
I won't promise it won't be forever before I get on here again but know that I am bound and determined to make blog therapy a more regular part of my weeks
until the next time....
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